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Not Dead & Not for Sale: A Memoir, by Scott Weiland
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The instant New York Times bestseller: the lead singer of the Stone Temple Pilots and Velvet Revolver delivers an exhilarating memoir of scaling the pinnacle of rock stardom, plunging into the chasm of addiction and incarceration, and then clawing his way back to the top again and again.
In the early 1990s, Stone Temple Pilots—not U2, not Nirvana, not Pearl Jam—was the hottest band in the world. STP toppled such megabands as Aerosmith and Guns N’ Roses on MTV and the Billboard charts. Lead singer Scott Weiland became an iconic front man in the tradition of Mick Jagger, David Bowie, and Robert Plant. Then, when STP imploded, it was Weiland who emerged as the emblem of rock star excess, with his well-publicized drug busts and trips to rehab.
Weiland has since made a series of stunning comebacks, fronting the supergroup Velvet Revolver, releasing solo work, and reuniting with Stone Temple Pilots. He has prevailed as a loving, dedicated father, as well as a business-savvy artist whose well of creativity is far from empty. Not Dead & Not for Sale is a hard rock memoir to be reckoned with—a passionate, insightful, and at times humorous book that reads with extraordinary narrative force.
- Sales Rank: #61811 in Books
- Published on: 2012-07-10
- Released on: 2012-07-10
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.81" h x .80" w x 5.69" l, .82 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 288 pages
Review
"Fascinating . . . Weiland's story isn't over, but the four decades' worth of material he crams into "Not Dead & Not for Sale" makes for a compelling and worthwhile read." --"Associated Press"
About the Author
Scott Weiland has been nominated for six Grammys, winning two along with numerous MTV, Billboard, and American Music Awards. His work with Stone Temple Pilots has sold more than 18 million records, and his first Velvet Revolver was the bestselling rock album of 2004.
David Ritz is the only four-time winner of the Gleason Music Book Award. He has collaborated with Ray Charles, Marvin Gaye, Aretha Franklin, Etta James, and Don Rickles. He also cowrote, with Gaye, the song “Sexual Healing.”
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
PRELUDE
EVERY TIME I TRY TO CATCH UP TO MY LIFE, something stops me. Different people making claims on my life. Old friends telling me new friends aren’t true friends. All friends trying to convince me that I can’t survive without them.
Then there are the pay-for-hire get-off-drugs professionals with their own methods and madness. They help, they hurt, they welcome me into their institutions … and, well, their madness.
Welcome to my life.
Two years ago, my life was self-restricted to a sober living house, meaning that I walked through the doors of my own free will. Within hours, I watched the game of communal free will get stepped on, laughed at, and batted around like a Ping-Pong ball.
One of my fellow patients was a rocker chick just turned twenty-one. She had a problem with depression. We met in the lounge and talked the night away, smoking cigarettes, exchanging words of comfort.
“Am I pretty?” she asked me.
“You are beautiful,” I told her.
“Everyone says I smell because I haven’t showered.”
“Everyone can get fucked,” I told her. “When you’re depressed, you’re not exactly in the mood for a shower.”
She told me a story of grief and confusion. I listened. When she was through, we hugged good night. She kissed me sweetly. She wanted more.
“We can’t do this,” I said. “It’s not right. Not now, not here.”
A day later, I was approached by one of the counselors whom I considered a first-class shit talker.
“Rumor has it that the two of you were intimate.”
“What’s intimate?” I asked.
“Sex.”
“No!”
“She obviously has a crush on you.”
“Okay. What of it?”
“I heard you two had sex in the Jacuzzi.”
“No Jacuzzi,” I said. “No sex. Besides, who has sex in a Jacuzzi?”
“I want to know what happened,” she insisted.
“We were flirtatious. That was inappropriate. So we stopped.”
This young woman was confronted at our next group session. Sixteen hours later, she sliced her leg down past the fatty tissue. She was a cutter. They took her out of the villa and put her in a psych ward.
What can I do about it?
I write a poem, “The Little Villa and Painted Egg.”
Minds squall, alcohol, heroin
The man, the boy, the girl
The little villa where you live
You need to fill that pain inside
Xanex, Valium, barbiturates—they ease the easy side
Of all you fucked-up managerial types
You love to rule by what you say
Not by what you find
Beautiful garden, Easter eggs, those that you never really had
You stole our experiences and stole our baskets
That’s how you found twenty-one out of fifty-seven
THAT WAS LAST MONTH. This week I’m home dealing with those who “manage” my business life, those who, for their own purposes, direct my moves. They are my partners, assistants, and drug coaches (whom we call “minders”). There is no peace, not for an hour, not for thirty seconds. Someone is always showing up with calculated suggestions and implied instructions. I don’t know, but I think I’ve done pretty well for myself, even during my long-lasting, narcotic misadventures—all without the protective bubble of paranoid employees, partners, and helpers—er, minders.
Meanwhile, the facts are these:
It has been eight and a half years since I shot dope and nearly three years since I did coke.
I still drink. A regular garden-variety boozer, I am like any other barfly or drink-alone kind of guy. My relationship to liquor is not romantic the way I once envisioned my love affair with dope. I struggle to stop drinking, but I don’t see it as suicidal. In any event, I’m not drinking today. Today I’m inviting you into the middle of my life and the middle of my head. My heart feels a bit closed off because I’m realizing that there are few people, if any, that I fully trust. That’s an amazing statement to make and brings me to what may be the purpose of this book.
How did I get to this point? One word could probably suffice—loss.
I’m searching for explanations.
Someone recently gave me a T-shirt that said, I’M IN LIKE SEVEN BANDS.
There is a Stone Temple Pilots story to tell. There is a Velvet Revolver story to tell. There is a love story to tell. And a drug story to tell.
AMONG MY GREAT LOVES is that category of substances called heroin. Narcotic alkaloids. Derivatives of opium. I describe this stuff lovingly. I do so at the risk of high irresponsibility. It is not my intention to mislead anyone looking to live a righteous life. God knows that the shit will kill you, inside and out, soul to the bone. At the same time, I am committed to an honest assessment of the wreckage of my past. I loved opiates; I hated opiates; I am attracted to opiates perhaps the way John Keats was attracted to death. One hundred ninety years ago, the romantic poet wrote “Ode to a Nightingale”:
I have been half in love with easeful Death,
Call’d him soft names in many a mused rhyme,
To take into the air my quiet breath;
Now more than ever seems it rich to die,
To cease upon the midnight with no pain,
With thou art pouring forth thy soul abroad
In such an ecstasy!
IS DEATH THE MUSE? Is rock and roll the nightingale? Are opiates the key to unlocking the magical kingdom where colorful flowers fade to black? Why should anyone—especially a kid or a man who suspects that he or she may have talent—be drawn to such a kingdom?
I don’t know. Except that the pull is visceral. It may also be an act of self-loating or anger against home or society or even the human condition in which the promise of death shadows us from those first fresh moments of birth.
I think of the young woman overwhelmed by a compulsion to cut herself. The compulsion is heartbreaking and bizarre, but maybe not bizarre at all—maybe it’s simply the most honest compulsion of all because it gets to the heart of the matter. My long opiate-dazed days and sleepless nights were all about cutting myself emotionally. When I got high, the last thing in the world I wanted to do was party or interact with other human beings. I retreated to the dark corners of my room and my life. I stayed alone and disappeared down black holes where no one could find me. I couldn’t find myself. I didn’t want to find myself. I became invisible. Or, as I put it in the song “Dead and Bloated,” “I am smellin’ like the rose that someone gave me on my birthday deathbed.”
© 2011 Scott Weiland
Most helpful customer reviews
129 of 143 people found the following review helpful.
the worst Rock n' Roll Autobio I've ever read
By STP fan
I am a huge STP fan, and have been looking forward to this books release since Mr. Weiland first began speaking of it 5-10 years ago. Given that much time to write the book and working with a talented co-author in David Ritz I felt like this was going to be a great read, from the point of view of a man that has lead one hell of a crazy life. instead all we are given is an extended recount of every article that is written about scott. There is almost no incite into the inner-workings of any of Scott's bands, or even expanded interpretations of well known story's of his life.
The book will take most people 1.5-3 hours to read, and approx. 10% of that is lyrics from songs he's written. It's 238 pages but reads like a 100 page book due to the "art", blank pages, and huge page breaks. so How do you cram great incite into the life of someone who's sold 40 Million records, been in rehab countless times, and been a permanent fixture in rock news for 20 years in 100 pages? You don't. Weiland's ex-wife Mary Forsberg's book released last year was much better written, much more informative, and much more interesting then Scott's book. Almost everything printed in this book was covered with more clarity in Mary's book.
If you really want to know about the history of STP, or Velvet revolver or Scott's solo work, there is much more information on-line then is offered in this book. It's incredible how little he delves into this actually. I haven't gone and actually counted but I'm sure the name Eric Kretz (STP drummer) only appears in the book 3 times. surely in 20 years of STP's history, Scott and Eric had SOME sort of note-worthy interaction. It almost seems that he purposely left all the interesting details of his life out. As if he started off with the intentions of baring his soul on paper like Anthony Kiedis did in his autobio, but quickly decided that he'd rather not have any information that wasn't already public knowledge released.
I have no doubt that the Story of Scott Weiland would be a compelling read, unfortunatly it appears that Scott figured out AFTER signing his book deal that he wasn't ready to let the world in on his private life.
52 of 58 people found the following review helpful.
Underwhelmed
By Lillian Rose
It is with sadness that I say that this is the most uninformative biography that I have read to date. I love biographies and am a huge STP fan but, feel robbed. I feel guilty for not writing a favorable review but, feel that I must in all good conscience be honest. There is no meat and potatoes in this bio. I would call it an outline and not a book. Very surprising considering Scott had help with it. I wonder if it's possible to get a refund?
54 of 66 people found the following review helpful.
not much insight
By austincara
i was really excited about this book, because i read mary weiland's account of things, and i thought it would be really interesting to see how someone else viewed the same events. scott starts with a promise of insight and helpfulness and a desire to be honest, however, when recounting events, very little is actually said. i feel like the same information could have been gotten from wikipedia. i think he had the best intentions when starting, but somehow lost interest in writing somewhere in the middle. if you don't want to share things with the world, i get it, and that's perfectly reasonable, but then don't write a book. there's very little relating of feelings toward certain subjects, and if feelings are shared, they're very superficial, that is, there's mention of guilt or bliss but no further elaborations. every now and then he puts in a random jab at his ex wife that seems to contradict everything he's just said about her. there's a lot of space filler and really just not a lot of either owning up to behavior or explaining his perspective of things. it's very dry. his drug use is more or less breezed over. not a lot of personal stories. like i said, i think he just really didn't want to tell anybody anything, and that's fair. i just don't know why i had to give him money for him to tell me that. i seriously read this book from cover to cover while my daughter watched tangled. i'm certain he could have actually helped a few people by writing more honestly.
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